When Values Don’t Align: The Quiet Crisis in Volunteering

Dear friends,
Today I want to share some thoughts about values and feeling misaligned. What happens when you say yes to something, but later change your mind?

(This isn’t about sewing, but it relates to things we might be passionate about.)

Sometimes we say yes to help with a project or event because we're excited or want to support someone. But over time, things can change. You might start feeling tired, unhappy, or realize the work doesn't fit you anymore.

I am struggling to determine if that is okay. Is feeling tired or uninterested normal?

Volunteering often asks for a lot of your time, energy, and emotions, and it's usually unpaid. Life can get busy, or personal challenges can make it harder to keep up. Yet because I didn't want to continue, saying "I can't do this anymore" felt selfish and not self-care.

Sometimes, There's More to It.

Maybe the person who asked for your help isn't doing their part. Perhaps they don't show up or contribute, leaving you to handle everything alone. That can feel unfair or discouraging, and it's okay to notice that and decide the work isn't right for you.

I thought about this long and hard and realized this wasn’t the case. Then, what?

How to Decide if You Should Step Back.

Ask yourself:

+ Do I feel tired or unhappy about this?
+ Would I still do this if no one asked me?
+ Am I staying out of guilt rather than choice?
+ Would I feel relief if I stopped?

If stepping back feels like a relief, that's a strong sign it's the right choice.

I said yes because at first it felt good; I wanted to help, and I was excited. But now, the more I think about it, the less I want to do it. I could not quite explain why, but there was a heaviness. Part of it is that this is emotional labor I'm doing for free. I'm putting my time, energy, and feelings into something that's not paid, not always appreciated, and it wears me down. (Still, I volunteered, so why this? Why now?)

Also, there's the fact that the person who asked me to help, the one who invited me in, won't even be there. That feels strange, even unfair. I wonder: how can they want to build this connection if they can't even show up themselves? Even if their reason is valid, it still doesn't sit right.

Is it the power dynamic? Maybe. I might feel like I'm carrying the heavy load for someone who has the privilege to step back. Maybe it's just an imbalance that's hard to name. Or again, I felt like: I'm missing something; maybe I'm telling myself I'm overthinking. But deep down, I know my feelings are real. I don't owe anyone my energy, especially when it's draining me.

Is it okay? How did I conclude, it was okay?
It's okay to feel conflicted. It's okay to pull back. I had to remember: That doesn't make me flaky or selfish; it makes me human. I'm noticing that this situation isn't right for me, and that matters.

Without going too much into it... The event and the task feel very privileged to me. On the surface, it might seem like a fun or positive thing, but when I really think about it, I wonder if it truly aligns with my values. I keep coming back to this idea: "If it's inaccessible to the poor, it's neither radical nor revolutionary." — Jonathan Herrera.

I want to be part of work that truly includes everyone, not just those with privilege. If this event doesn’t reach or support people beyond a limited group, it doesn’t feel like the kind of change I want to be involved in.

Again, what I needed to remember:

Volunteering should feel fulfilling, not like a heavy burden. It's okay to change your mind. Listen to yourself; your feelings are authentic and valid. Saying no is not just okay, it's important for taking care of yourself.

How I said no, and quit kindly:
I decided to be honest and straightforward. I felt as though I didn't need to explain everything or even feel guilty. My time and energy are valuable.

I suppose in the end, maybe I just honored my limits. I create space for myself for the kind of work and community that truly resonates with me and maybe this work...just didn’t?

If you ever feel the same, how do you know it’s okay? How do you determine if stepping back doesn’t mean you failed. Does it mean you’re making room for a better “yes?”